To all the humans I ghosted: I am truly sorry.
It wasnât that I didnât like you; there wasnât anything wrong with you at all. But honestly, our connection was fairly mid! We both knew it, too. I was hemming and hawing about seeing you, and the indecision led me to forget. Sometimes, when I remember I never got back to you, I wonder if I should send an "Iâm sorry," three months later, out of the blue! But I imagine my ghosting doesnât haunt you.
Now that I have been ghosted, I wonder, how would you have felt if I just admitted to you, "I think our connection is mid"? Or what if I told you directly, "I like your face, your jokes are great, but when our genitals meet, I donât feel much heat"?
I so desperately wish my ghoster had told me whatever it was! "Your face is pretty, but your bodyâs not hot." "You seem very nice, but you donât turn me on." "I was excited about you, but then along came another someone." I wouldnât have been hurt. Iâm a goddamn adult. I would have been relieved! I know our connection was mid! But now I have to sit with this ghost on my shoulder, whispering mean messages into my ear. "You sent the wrong text!" "You're a loser in bed!" "You make weird faces!" "You give bad head!"
So Seattle, I beg you, be gentle to your fellow humans, tell them youâd just rather be friends!
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