Arson in Paris: Ahead of the Olympics' opening ceremony in Paris on Friday, coordinated arson attacks on three different high-speed rail lines disrupted transit service into the city for 800,000 passengers. The disruptions will likely continue through the weekend, too. What were the attacks? Authorities say "fires were set in pipes carrying cables used for signaling." They were detected around 4 am. 

Speaking of blazing up in Paris: Snoop Dogg carried the Olympic torch. Unclear if at any point he mimed smoking the torch as if it were a big joint. I hope he did. You can watch the Opening Ceremonies at 10:30 am Friday, or wait for the encore, prime-time broadcast airing at 4:30 pm. To hype yourself up for the Games, why not dive into the world of Olympic athlete TikTok?

Monsanto forks over a chunk of change: Seattle will receive the biggest payout to a single city from the evil agrochemical and agriculture company Monsanto after a near-decade-long legal battle. Back in 2016, then-City Attorney Pete Holmes sued Monsanto for contaminating the 20,000 acres of land that drained into the Lower Duwamish River with toxic polychlorinated biphenyls, or PCBs. Monsanto will pay Seattle $160 million. That cash may be too little too late, since the price tag for a full Duwamish River cleanup sits at an estimated $342 million. 

Bottle service: A group of Polish divers found a 19th-century shipwreck 20 nautical miles south of the Swedish island of Öland. When they dove down to explore, the team found a treasure trove “loaded to the brim” with 100 bottles of old-ass champagne. Cheers!

Bad news for that treasure: "Champagne sales down worldwide in 2024, industry executives cite 'lack of cheer'"

Good news for wonky wolf hearts: The Woodland Park Zoo implanted a pacemaker into a 14-year-old gray wolf named Shila. Zoo scientists believe it's the first such fix of its kind because who really is putting pacemakers in wolves? So far, a month after implantation, the surgery is a success. Shila is acting young and spry again. However, as this KING 5 article points out, the entire rest of her pack is dead. Reading that, I can't help but wonder if maybe Shila would have preferred to die. 

Restaurant rumors: The Capitol Hill Seattle Blog reports that the Ethan Stowell Restaurants group may be looking to put a Mexican restaurant on 15th Avenue East in the space that used to house The Canterbury bar. Nothing has been able to survive in that building since the Old English-themed pub closed in 2022. 

Another perfect day on deck: Sunny, breezy, highs in the mid-70s, and air quality remains good despite a rash of wildfires. 

A smoky state: Don't be fooled by the lack of smoke so far during this Seattle summer, fires are happening statewide. 

Oregon's big-ass fire: In Oregon, the Durkee Fire in the eastern part of the state is the biggest fire in the US currently. The blaze, fueled by 60 mph winds, has turned 419 square miles into tinder. Despite a week of fighting the fire with a crew of 500 people, the fire is still 0% contained. 

Oh no: In case you forgot, SeaFair is around the corner. Can't we get one year where we don't have to listen to the fucking Blue Angels? 

The Obamas endorse Harris: Barack and Michelle Obama gave Kamala Harris a call. 

A bucket of cold water: Harris signaled Thursday that she will toe the pro-Israel party line when she released a statement condemning the Washington DC protests against Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's visit to Congress. However, in a press conference, Harris did call for the war to end, saying it was “time for this war to end, and end in a way where Israel is secure, all the hostages are released, the suffering of Palestinians in Gaza ends, and the Palestinian people can exercise their right to freedom, dignity and self-determination”.

An Olympic scandal: The Olympic Games haven't even started and there's already a big, juicy scandal. One of the six coaches for Canada's women's soccer team was arrested for allegedly flying a drone over the New Zealand women's soccer team's practices and spying on them. He was removed from the team and sent back to Canada. 

Eargate: Donald Trump and his team still haven't released the former president's medical records from the assassination attempt. FBI Director Christopher Wray suggested Trump's ouchie ear, which has become a weird right wing symbol, wasn't sliced by a bullet but by shrapnel. If it wasn't a direct bullet hit, Trump's narrative loses a bit of oomf. Saying a bullet whizzed by him and narrowly missed killing him is much sexier and Divine-Intervention-y than saying a piece of his shattered teleprompter gave him a boo-boo. 

Newsom says start the sweeps: The ink is barely dry on the Supreme Court ruling allowing bans on homeless people sleeping outdoors, and California Gov. Gavin Newsom has issued an order for state agencies to remove encampments on state land. “There are simply no more excuses. It’s time for everyone to do their part,” Newsom said. Other public officials in California are expected to issue similar sweeps-focused orders in the coming months. Where will all the swept homeless people in California—home to one-third of the nation's homeless population—go? Unclear! 

Life on Mars? The Mars rover discovered a cool rock that may indicate microbial life existed on the planet billions of years ago. 

A song for your Friday: I wrote most of this round-up while lying on my living room floor this morning. I don't know why. This song felt fitting: