Good morning! The sun is shining, we’re hitting 65 degrees this afternoon, and the sunset today is after 8 p.m. It’s happening people, spring is here. Sure, winter’s gonna try to make a comeback a few more times before July, but that’s just living in Seattle.

Before you get out and enjoy the almost 14 hours of daylight because your brain deserves some goddamn serotonin, let’s do the news.

Judge Shames Trump: Well, at least one judge isn’t willing to accept our rapid decline into a constitutional crisis. Federal Judge Paula Xinis scolded the Trump administration yesterday for dragging its feet on the Supreme Court’s order to “facilitate” the release of Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia, who was wrongly deported to a prison in El Salvador last month. “To date nothing has been done,” Xinis told a lawyer for the Justice Department, according to the New York Times. “Nothing.” This was a day after Trump and Salvadoran self-proclaimed dictator Bukele publicly shrugged their shoulders at the order in the Oval Office, saying neither of them would lift a finger to bring him home.

ACLU v. DOD: The ACLU has filed a lawsuit against the Department of Defense. What'd they do this time? Banned books in schools for military families. None of the banned books would surprise you. According to the suit, the DoD removed titles like To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee; The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini; Both Sides Now, about a transgender teen participating in a national debate competition; and A Queer History of the United States. The ACLU says the bans violate students’ First Amendment rights. We say you should start mailing cases of these books to DoD schools. As a treat.

Bug Pirates: Two Belgian teens were arrested in Kenya for trying to smuggle 5,000 ants out of the country to sell as exotic pets. They were charged with wildlife piracy. Both of those sentences are true.

Israel Strikes a Hospital: Yesterday, Israel killed a security guard and wounded 10 patients when it bombed a field hospital. This was just two days after an Israeli strike hit one of Gaza’s last functioning medical centers: the Ahli Arab Hospital in Gaza City. According to the WHO, 33 of Gaza’s 36 hospitals have been damaged, and only 21 are even partly functional. And just this week, it warned that hospitals in Gaza face a medicine shortage because Israel has blocked aid deliveries for six weeks. Let’s say it together: This is a genocide. 

Marjorie Doesn’t Like Feedback: Two people at a town hall for Marjorie Taylor Greene were “subdued” with stun guns for booing her. Three people were arrested.

Get Ready for the Den Stora Älgvandringen: Otherwise known as the Great Moose Migration. The Swedish “slow TV” hit documents a 20-day moose migration, 24 hours a day, as they swim across the Ångerman River, a few hours northwest of Stockholm. Last year, 9 million people watched their spring migration toward their summer grazing pastures, and considering the state of the world in 2025, I’m willing to guess that even more of us are tuning in this year.

Trump Takes Aim at OSPI: On Monday, the Trump admin launched an investigation into Washington’s Office of the Superintendent of Public Instruction, which oversees our public schools. They claim that the state directed the La Center school district to implement a gender inclusion policy that conflicts with federal law (read: a policy to include pronouns when introducing yourself). The La Center school district has been fighting the OSPI on this since 2022—they even include the details on the district’s landing page. The Department of Education insists that Washington State is trying “to separate children from their parents, convince children to feel unsafe at home, or burden children with the weight of keeping secrets from their loved ones.” This is the third investigation into Washington education: the Kennewick School District filed a complaint because they were mad that we allow trans athletes to participate in school sports, and the Tumwater district is under investigation for doing the same. Shout out to Superintendent Reykdal for ignoring their bullshit.

Our Local (Almost) Bootlicker: It’s no secret that Trump thinks Washington state is strictly populated by everyone he hates: purple-haired, gender-queer, vegan, antifa-obsessed domestic terrorists (except Joe Kent; he loves Joe Kent). Governor Ferguson’s office knew that too, and apparently one of their possible solutions was sending Trump a fawning letter, offering to send our National Guard to the Canadian Border, and complimenting Trump for his “continued efforts to combat the flow of illegal narcotics through the northern border.” The governor’s office emphasized that the draft letter, reported by the Washington State Standard, wasn’t written by Ferguson, and he rejected the idea when it was presented to him. At least that’s one (1) decision by Ferg we can get behind.

Tariffs Hit Boeing: In light of the 145 percent tariffs that the Trump administration has slapped on China, the country has reportedly told its airlines not to take new deliveries of Boeing planes, and to stop buying aircraft equipment and parts from US companies. Now seems like a good time to remind everyone not to cry for Boeing: the company is getting $600 million from the Trump admin to make the US military’s newest fighter jet, called the F-47. Named after Trump. 

Microsoft Meltdown: The execs over at Microsoft heard about the possibility of both a wealth tax and a payroll tax here in Washington, and they are not handling it well. The company teamed up with Costco, T-Mobile, and Nordstrom to bankroll a PAC that has already spent almost $2 million on ads, polling, and hundreds of thousands of text messages to voters, and they’ve said they’ll throw their weight behind an anti-tax ballot initiative if it comes to that. They’re scared because the writing’s on the wall: it’s becoming increasingly clear that these progressive taxes are essential to balancing our state budget. The (unacceptable) alternative is balancing the state budget on the backs of already underpaid state workers, and making cuts to essential services. Tax the rich. 

WA DOGE: Washington Republicans really saw everything that Elon is doing—slashing health departments, undermining scientific research, and declaring people dead when they’re very much alive—and said, “Yeah, gimme some of that.” House Bill 2076 would create WA DOGE: all the same chaos, with a local twist. "For several decades, state bureaucratic agencies have exploded in size and arrogance," the bill’s sponsor, State Rep Jim Walsh told The Chronicle in Centralia. "Most have far exceeded their original—and usually good—missions. They've become the worst example of David Hume's 'Leviathan,' becoming more focused on their own size and power than on delivering good outcomes for the people. WA DOGE would change all of that." They would also target “ideological” practices in government departments, which I can only assume is a reference to DEI. Fortunately, it’s so late in the legislative session that this bill doesn’t have a chance to get traction—it’s just idiotic theater. 

Dreaming of a Simpler Time? Or at least, a different one? Billboard is doing a throwback to 2005, including their Best Songs of 2005 staff picks. If you were conscious during 2005, every single one will stick in your brain like a thorn, but here’s Number One: