Have you ever seen a successful relationship when the sex was difficult from the start? Or even stopped early in the relationship? I have been with my boyfriend since August and I honestly lost my desire for him early on. Heās a bit of a hoarder and has some self-care and cleanliness issues, which I only realized some way into the relationship. It has killed the sexual vibe for me very early, but I do feel very safe with him, very connected emotionally. Is there hope? Or should we call it friends?
Only Doomed Or Real Shot?
Iāve definitely seen relationships succeed despite sex being difficult at the start ā absolutely, for sure, lots of times.
In some cases, the couple broke up, found new partners, and remained in each otherās lives as friends. But most of the couples that succeeded in the way you most likely meant ā the...
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Have you ever seen a successful relationship when the sex was difficult from the start? Or even stopped early in the relationship? I have been with my boyfriend since August and I honestly lost my desire for him early on. Heās a bit of a hoarder and has some self-care and cleanliness issues, which I only realized some way into the relationship. It has killed the sexual vibe for me very early, but I do feel very safe with him, very connected emotionally. Is there hope? Or should we call it friends?
Only Doomed Or Real Shot?
Iāve definitely seen relationships succeed despite sex being difficult at the start ā absolutely, for sure, lots of times.
In some cases, the couple broke up, found new partners, and remained in each otherās lives as friends. But most of the couples that succeeded in the way you most likely meant ā the sex was difficult at the start but theyāre still happily together years later ā had at some point redefined their relationships as companionate. Some of these companionate relationships were ethically non-monogamous, e.g., one or both partners were allowed to seek sex outside the relationship, but some were strictly monogamous. What I havenāt seen many examples of over the years are two people who didnāt share a strong sexual connection at the start who somehow managed to create one. And when I have seen that happen, ODORS, there was always some shared sexual interest or erotic dynamic or off-the-rack kink the two shared ā there was one thing that worked ā and on that rock built a good-to-great sex life together.
But what I found myself wondering as I read your question, ODORS, was why you would wanna make things work with this guy. If he canāt be bothered to bathe and brush his teeth and use deodorant when heās trying to win you, ODORS, heās not going to make the effort after heās won you. Maybe there's some underlying mental health issue heās struggling with. If so, ODORS, you can offer him your friendship and moral support ā provided you can spare the emotional bandwidth ā but donāt offer him a blowjob. Sucking this guyās dick would not only be unpleasant for you, ODORS, but it would send the wrong message to him, e.g., that heās in good enough working order (the proof: heās getting his dick sucked) and doesnāt need to get help and make changes.
P.S. The sexless monogamous relationship ā as a concept ā has aways broken my brain. If being sexually monogamous means you donāt have sex with other peopleā¦ wouldnāt being monogamously sexless mean you only donāt have sex with other people? If monogamy means, āIām not fucking anybody but you,ā wouldn't sexless monogamy mean, āIām fucking everybody but youā? Perhaps someone who doesnāt wanna have sex with their partner but insists that their partner not have sex with anyone else ā perhaps someone who thinks celibacy is a reasonable demand ā can jump into the comments thread and explain where they get off.
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