Boy, slow news week, huh? Hahahhaha. Strap in. 

Windows update from hell: While you were sleeping, a global technology outage grounded flights, knocked banks and hospitals offline, and quieted media outlets. The Milan stock exchange couldn't compile stocks for an hour. Australia's news anchors couldn't broadcast due to "blue screens of death." Surgeries are stalled in Germany. Olympic uniforms can't make it to Paris. In the US, United, American, Delta, and Allegiant airlines grounded all flights. Around the world the story is the same. So, what the fuck is going on? Some kind of cyberattack? No, according to cybersecurity firm CrowdStrike, "the problem occurred when it deployed a faulty update to computers running Microsoft Windows." Oopsie! Good thing The Stranger runs on some antiquated bullshit (this is a joke, IT team!) and is thus not effected. 

A fragile world upended: I don't know if I've really captured the gravity of this technology fuck up. While this Windows outage—compliments of CrowdStrike—wasn't a cyber attack, it shows just how vulnerable our systems are in a technologically dependent world. One accidental press of the oft-ignored "install update now" button (this is what I assume happened but is not based on fact) can send the entire world into a tailspin. It's like a little taste of Y2K. 

This guy on Twitter seems to grasp the gravity of the situation better than I ever could: 

CrowdStrike says sorry: This guy is having the worst day of his whole entire life and we are bearing witness. 

What I thought was going to be the biggest news of the day was all this Joe Biden drama. All day Thursday, rumors swirled. Amid the Joevid-19 of it all, something was coming related to Biden's candidacy in the 2024 presidential election. In news alerts that felt like whispers, we learned of closed-door meetings where people like Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi questioned the viability of Biden's candidacy. Kamala Harris stopped using "we" and starting using "I" in her campaign stump speeches. Polling about Harris's viability as the lead candidate has come out. It's end times for ol' Joe. The word on the street is Biden will make an announcement as soon as this weekend about the presidential race. 

And yet: Biden insisted again on Friday that he's staying in the race. The message came through his campaign chair, who in one breath acknowledged "slippage" in support for the president and in the next said he wasn't backing down. 

A Hail Mary pass of sorts: The Biden administration announced it will forgive $1.2 billion in student debt for 35,000 public servants.

How it feels to be alive right now: 

Tiny house village fire: Early Thursday morning, a fire raged at a King County-owned tiny shelter village in Queen Anne. The fire destroyed 17 of the village's 25 homes, a loss that will displace nearly 30 people. A 36-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of reckless burning and another outstanding warrant, according to the Seattle Times. Officials believe the fire was accidental. 

Bruce's basement gym: Bruce Harrell has a secret basement gym in City Hall that only he and the Seattle Police Department officers on his security detail can use, according to a new report from Publicola. He had a vacant space in the building converted to a gym filled with equipment sourced from his security team members' personal gym equipment. According to a spokesperson, he's only used that gym five or six times. He prefers to frequent a different gym nearby City Hall. I can't tell—is it good to have a swole mayor? 

Speaking of Harrell: Private text messages between Mayor Bruce Harrell and millionaire philanthropist Stuart Sloan show both men expressing "disgust" at the nudity in Denny Blaine Park, a longtime queer nude beach. As Vivian reports, Sloan donated $1 million dollars to the City as part of a proposal to construct a play area near the park, a move that the LGBTQ community saw as an attempt to sweep gay and trans sunbathers from one of the only safe places to hang out without paying cover. Harrell's team has maintained that the mayor never knew the identity of the donor and that "a protected right of expression such as nudity" did not drive his actions, but the texts cast even more doubt on the former claim and completely refute the latter. 

Take the train this weekend: Three lanes of northbound I-5 will be closed starting Friday at 10 pm until Monday at 5 am. Highway 520 is open, but be aware that ramps to and from Montlake Boulevard will be closed. Good luck to all of you traveling to Capitol Hill Block Party, Sounders games, and Mariners games. Ride the link! Hop on a bike! Walk! 

The slow and steady creep toward darkness begins: Good news for all you anti-social hygge-loving freaks: fall is coming. No more 9 pm sunsets in 2024. The inevitable encroachment of night begins. 

Israel's occupation of Palestine violates international law: The International Court of Justice, the United Nation's top court, ruled Friday that Israel's "occupation of the West Bank and East Jerusalem violates international law." This is a landmark opinion on Israel's 57-year occupation of these lands. While the ruling carries legal weight and may influence international opinion, it is not legally binding. 

Russia convicts US journalist of espionage: The Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich was sentenced to 16 years in Russian prison on unfounded charges of espionage. Gershkovich was detained back in March 2023 while he was on a reporting trip. His arrest and detainment is believed to be politically motivated. The quick trial could clear the way for a prisoner swap between Russia and the US. 

What is going on over at the RNC? The Republican National Convention concluded with Hulk Hogan ripping off his shirts, Kid Rock attempting to stay relevant, and Donald Trump accepting the party's nomination for president and then telling the story of the assassination attempt on his life without using a word above a third-grade reading level and then descending into a rambling stump speech that variously frightened and bored everyone to tears. 

Also: VP Candidate JD Vance's venmo friends list was dissected by WIRED. It paints a portrait of an "anti-elite" candidate who's chummy with quite a few elites, GOP heavy hitters, tech execs, fucking Bari Weiss of all people, and more. And, this guy left his Spotify public. Slate took a look at that. 

Speaking of the GOP and music tastes: What's the RNC's song of the summer?

RIP: Comedian heavyweight Bob Newhart died at 94. 

Good riddance: Controversial conservative television host Lou Dobbs, 78, died.

Ironic: Zoom issued a return to office mandate for all its workers.

Alright, whew, that's enough for now: Are you tired? I'm tired. I expect the news will not stop. Enjoy that hell this weekend. And, how about you enjoy this song from Capitol Hill Block Party headliner Remi Wolf.